October 21, 2014
Learning to cope with negative feelings and problems can be difficult. It is even more difficult for people that feel depressed to learn to cope with difficult problems. If you grew up in an environment of negativity and criticism where a perfectionistic goal existed, then you may feel the need to blame yourself for whatever problems you might face. This in turn reinforces negative feelings that can lead to depression. Unfortunately no-one can change that vicious cycle of self-blame and criticism but you.
The best approach to break that cycle, and cope differently, is to learn to differentiate between problems that you have no control over and, letting go of them, and problems that you can resolve because you know and truly believe that you have the ability to solve them. The pessimist will dwell on problems even if there is nothing they can do about it. This is in fact the difference between a pessimistic and an optimistic state of mind. If you believe that a problem can’t be solved even though you know in your heart that if you were in a different state of mind you could solve it, then you have to accept the fact that you are not going to solve the problem. You will instead dwell on how things could’ve or should’ve been.
However, if you as an optimist choose to believe that you have the ability to deal with the problem, then you will plan ahead to find ways to reach your goals and achieve a positive outcome. An optimist is able to do that because by believing in yourself, you are able to put goals ahead of any fear of failure. When you let fear, stress, and anxiety guide your decision you are likely to make judgments that are weak, unreliable, and unrealistic, which in turn may lead to additional problems. An optimist, on the other hand, will focus 100% on evaluating the options that can produce the right solutions to the problem rather than focusing on the negative aspects of the problem itself. This is in fact how decisions can be made without experiencing self-doubt. An optimist dwells about the solutions and takes bold action while pessimists dwell on the problem and take no action.
Again, as you can see, only you can choose between being a pessimist or an optimist. Whether you will continue to feel depressed or experience a sense of peace and satisfaction about solving your problems and letting go of the ones that you can’t solve, will depend on the choice you make.