January 21, 2014
Through the years I have learned that if you want to be happy, you need to take back the power that you give to others to make you feel unhappy. When your ability to be happy relies on what others think or say about you, it means you are giving them the power to decide for you whether you should feel happy about yourself. When you go to a meeting and someone says something to you that hurts your feelings, you are giving him or her the power to make you happy or unhappy. Take, for example, what Thomas Edison said to reporters after his critics labeled him a failure for failing to create the light bulb. He said I have not failed at all. I have just found thousands of ways by which the light bulb will not work. He then continued to pursue his goal undeterred. His critics were, of course, hoping that he would let them own his feelings. By doing so, they could have made him angry and they could have forced him to feel humiliated and admit that he was not as smart as them.
When you allow others to own your feelings, you essentially let them decide for you whether you should feel happy about your accomplishments. However, Thomas Edison showed to them that he was not going to let them own his feelings. When he brushed off their criticism and said that he essentially did not give a hoot what they thought about him and that he would continue to pursue his goal with the same passion and determination he had always done it, he made it clear that he was in control of his feelings. Feeling happy about his accomplishments was up to him and not to his critics.
When we apply this same principle to our lives we can live a happy life. When you let someone’s word get to you, you are essentially letting that person define who you are and because of that you are letting him or her own your feelings. However, when you instead own your feelings, no one can say anything to hurt you because you have decided that only you define who you are and what others think about you is not what makes you happy or unhappy. If, for example, someone calls you a loser and by doing so you start feeling down, it should be a sign that you have given that person too much power and, as such, you need to take that power back by not letting them own your feelings and by continuing to believe in yourself. That is in fact what Jackie Robinson did when he became the first African American to play major league baseball and some people insisted he was a loser. It did not matter to him how many people thought or agreed with that label. He did not give them the power to decide for him whether he should feel happy about playing major league baseball. He knew he was good and he decided that he would feel happy about it and he did. That is how he was able to continue to focus in becoming the superstar and happy man that he became. Because he owned his feelings he was undeterred by what his critics said about him and was not a distraction for him.
That is the reason that those who can master this principle can plan on living happily ever after. Being able to own your feelings is power. When you don’t allow anyone to own or define your feelings you can easily achieve the sense of peace and happiness that eludes many.